The Time Cometh

Time is such a relative thing. Six weeks ago when the date for my procedure was allocated, it seemed like that hill you can see on the horizon when you are driving a long journey. The azure blue hump is so far away as to not seem a tangible destination. Ah, the somnolence of a long journey by road. Alert but in a dream as the asphalt rolls underneath like a conveyer. The distance and time eaten up insatiably like a bag of potato chips, once started you keep churning through them. Without even thought the time has gone, that future time is now present.

The biggest apprehension derives from not knowing what is going to happen and more pervasively what they will find. The angiogram is the procedure, what they find on examination and testing determines what will happen not only today but from now on. This is ground zero for me .The homework has been done to understand what the procedure involves and what might happen; now it is the nitty gritty of actually what is to happen.

After a light breakfast we drive to the hospital. We walk up to the Cath Lab and I kiss my wife farewell, unfortunately tearfully for her. This is not a place to have someone holding your hand, it is simply not permitted.  The procedure is all about me but the journey is very much an “Us” thing. I am suddenly acutely aware of the stress that must be enveloping her.  

The nurse and I both agree I am who I say I am and they have the correct person.  I change into my hospital robe, all white, open at the back, stark and naked underneath. My clothes and belongings are placed in a locker. I am asked a few extra questions and then placed in a bed.

Basic observations are taken and a cannula is inserted in the back of my hand as a precaution. In the event there is an issue during the procedure a quick portal into the blood stream is required to administer medication without delay. The groin area on both sides is denuded of hair. Ha a free Brazilian, now that’s a bonus. I am beginning to feel like a chicken being prepared for the oven minus the stuffing thankfully. Ha ha if something does go wrong is this a premonition as to where I might be heading? As some clever person once noted, there is only a stairway to heaven but a highway to hell!

I am nervous. Actually anxious would be a better way to describe it. All that has gone before in my life is suddenly concentrated on now.

I soon return to a chair and sit and wait.

“Wrap a blanket around yourself. We don’t want to give the ward clerk a fright as you sit down.”

The ward clerk is talking to a nurse.

“Look at this will you” she says holding up her phone. “Isn’t that the saddest Christmas tree you have ever seen? I mean have you ever seen anything as bad?”

She brings it over for me to see. A scrawny bush standing about a foot high with five scraggly branches and six decorations hanging limply greets me.

“Ha" I say, "I hope that doesn’t scar the children for life!”

The normality of people calms me until a man in blue scrubs appears and says,

 “Come on, you are up now.”